What Should Have Been
by MoonCloud101
Summary: Matthew's life has been cut tragically short, and Alice and Francis are feeling the complete pain of losing their child. Their other son, Alfred, doesn't believe his brother is dead, and claims Matthew is still alive. Francis and Alice grow increasingly worried for their living son.


"Alfred, sweetie, who are you talking to?" Alice quietly called from the doorway where she was standing, seeing her son sitting in front of a mirror. She had come upstairs when she heard him talking loudly, knowing no one was in the house except for her right now. Her husband was at work, and wouldn't be back until later that evening.

"I'm talking to Mattie. We're gonna play a game!" The seven year old child smiled wide, and his mother felt her heart break.

She had told him many times that his brother was gone. Each time Alfred denied it, saying Matthew was still alive, but he was trapped in a mirror. And that one day Alfred would save his brother and pull him into the real world. If she told him again, told him Matthew wasn't there, that it was just his reflection he was talking to, she knew she would start crying. She couldn't handle it. She could already feel the tears make their way into her eyes.

"O-oh, well then, you two have fun." She said before closing the door, hearing Alfred's boisterous laughter on the other side.

Alice's back pressed against the door as she choked back a sob. All the pain of losing her youngest child had come back and hit her full-force. Tears leaked out of her eyes as her chest ached, wishing for her little boy to be back in her arms, safe and sound. Moving slowly, she pushed herself away from the door, not wanting Alfred to hear her cry. She made her way into her bedroom and sat on the bed, sobs starting to make their way steadily out of her mouth.

They had been twins, Alfred and Matthew. Alice remembered holding them in her arms, feeling so soft and warm. She had promised to do anything to protect them. She had promised they would always be safe and loved and protected, that nothing could harm them. She had broken that promise.

Matthew had only been six when they found out he had cancer. It had been a serious development, and the young boy was rushed into all kinds of different treatment. They never worked. His small body could barely handle all the chemicals and harsh treatments, and he became even sicker. His parents had tried everything, gone to the best doctors in the country, and tried their best to fight the disease. It was to no avail, and one day, the cancer won.

It had been a few months ago, and the pain was still heavy in Alice's heart. That day was a blur in her memory, her mind trying to block out the tragedy of losing her child. She and her husband had been sitting by Matthew's side on his final night, stroking his still soft golden hair, whispering their love for him. Alfred had been staying with Alice's brother at the time. They didn't want him to see Matthew like this; weak and deathly skinny, the cancer sucking all the life out of his body. Alice and Francis had held Matthew's hands when his life slipped away completely. The doctors had told them there was no point anymore. That tonight would be his last night.

Matthew's eyes were shining with unshed tears; he knew it was hopeless as well. Somehow he knew he was going to die, and he was only seven years old. "Mama, I'm scared." He had whispered, clutching his parents' hands weakly. Alice had tried to reassure him, tell him everything would be alright, but she couldn't lie to her son. "I know, baby, I know. Mama's here. Mama will always be here." Was all she managed to choke out. Matthew still seemed comforted by the words and he relaxed into the pillows.

He weakly murmured the last words he would ever say. "I love you Mama, Papa. Tell Alfred for me too." With that, his eyelids fluttered closed and his breathing stopped. The hands his parents were holding went limp.

A heart-wrenching cry tore its way out of Alice's throat, and she clung to her baby boy's lifeless body, crying, screaming at the world for taking her son from her. Her beautiful boy. Her baby. The one she had promised to protect, no matter what. Behind her, Francis was sobbing as well, saying Matthew's name over and over again, as if that would bring him back.

Doctors and nurses left them alone, knowing nothing could be said or done to console the two devastated parents. Alice continued to sob, holding Matthew's small body in her arms, Francis's own arms wrapped tight around her. They both cried for their boy, their hearts ripped in half, never to fully heal.

The next day they told Alfred. When the young boy had first heard his brother was dead, he didn't believe them.

"You're lying! Mattie's not dead!" The boy shouted at his parents, turning and running up the stairs to his room.

Alice and Francis watched their oldest son leave, tears starting to flow down their cheeks again. Alice turned to her husband, who immediately opened his arms for her to run into. Sobs flew from her mouth, tears seeming to endlessly flow out of her eyes as she buried her face in Francis's warm chest. His arms wound tightly around her and she could feel wet tears landing on her head. The two stood like that for a long time, needing the comfort of each other to deal with the pain that wracked through their hearts.

Upstairs, Alfred was fighting off tears. His brother wasn't dead. It was impossible for him to be dead. They had promised to stay together for all of their lives, and Matthew didn't break his promises. He couldn't be dead. His parents were lying to him.

A stubborn tear fell down his face and Alfred angrily wiped it away. Why was he crying? There wasn't any reason to be crying.

Alfred sat down on his bed, wiping his face with his hands. Matthew just couldn't be dead. They had promised so much to each other. They had done so much together. They were always by each other's sides. There was no way Matthew, his twin brother, was simply gone. He had to be alive. The would stop spinning if Matthew died, at least for Alfred it would.

He sniffled and looked up, spying the mirror in the corner of his and Matthew's room. A familiar figure caught his eye in the reflected depths. "Mattie?" The boy blinked, standing up and approaching the shiny mirror. He touched the surface, seeing his brother's face, so similar to his own, on the other side.

A small smile lit up his brother's face, and Alfred examined him. He seemed to be completely healthy, his face a healthy peachy color, instead of pasty and pale like it was when he was at the hospital. His violet eyes were full of life, his golden blond hair shining and shimmering. It was almost exactly like Alfred's, except Matthew's was longer and fell in little waves around his round face. He must get it from their father.

"Mattie!" Alfred exclaimed, his eyes brightening, "mom and dad said you were dead!"

"No," the reflection responded, the smile on his face getting bigger, "I promised we'd be together forever, didn't I?"

Alfred grinned widely, "I'm so glad you're alive! I knew Mama and Papa were lying! There's no way you could've been dead. It's just not possible, right?"

"Yeah. I'd never leave you, Alfie." Matthew smiled warmly, and Alfred rested his hand against the glass of the mirror. Matthew did the same.

"I love you, Mattie. I'm happy you're not sick anymore." Alfred said quietly, which was unusual for him.

"Me too. It was awful. All that icky medicine." Matthew made a face and Alfred couldn't help but laugh.

"But you're safe now, at least. I promise I won't let that happen to you ever again! I'll protect you from everything." Alfred said. It was a childish dream, but Alfred just wanted to save his brother from anything that might harm him. He hated that he couldn't help Matthew when he developed the cancer, but now he was making up for that.

"Okay. And I'll protect you too. Whenever you need me, I'll be here." Matthew smiled sweetly, his palm resting flat against the glass just as Alfred's was, the smooth, thin surface of the mirror the only thing keeping them apart.

)()()()()()(

A few days later, Alice and Francis started planning Matthew's funeral. It was one of the hardest things they had ever done. The date was set for the next week, on a Saturday. All of their close relatives would be there, as well as some of Matthew and Alfred's friends. It would be hard, seeing all those people crying over their son. None of them knew their pain, no one understood. The death of a child was the worst thing a parent could experience. Nothing else even compared to the pain Alice felt now.

Right now, she and Francis were going through pictures, picking out ones to use at the funeral. There weren't that many, and Alice was bitterly reminded of how short her son's life had been cut.

"Mon cher, look at this one." Francis murmured, handing Alice a picture. She examined it, tears pricking her eyes. It was of Alfred and Matthew when they were about five. Alfred was holding Matthew in a tight hug, a bright grin on his face as he crushed Matthew to him. Both of them were laughing, their cheeks rosy and eyes alight with happiness. They were always their happiest when they were around each other. A close bond fused the two brothers together, and they always did everything together. Wherever one went, the other followed. Except this time; Matthew was too far away for Alfred to reach.

Alice set the picture down, placing it in the pile of pictures to use at the funeral. She picked up another. This one was of the twins grinning happily, arms wrapped tight around each other's shoulders and holding ice cream cones. Alice remembered they had been so happy that day, their smiles bright just from simple ice cream cones. She added it to the growing pile of pictures.

Her head glanced up when she heard footsteps rumble down the stairs, Alfred's face soon appearing around the corner. Alice felt her heart throb when she looked at her son. He and Matthew looked so much alike. The only differences were that Matthew had lighter hair that fell in waves, and had almost violet eyes instead of pure blue ones.

"Hey, Mama, Papa. Whatcha doing?" Alfred asked, walking over and glancing curiously at the pictures on the ground.

Alice straightened and Francis spoke up, "we are just looking through some pictures of Matthew."

Alfred nodded and grinned, bending down to pick up a picture. "I remember this! It's when me and Mattie went to the beach and collected seashells. I'm going to go show it to him." He said brightly, holding the picture and disappearing back upstairs to his room. Alice and Francis glanced at each other, worry in their eyes.

"He really is in denial. Do you think he'll come out of it?" Alice asked softly, and Francis frowned.

"I'm not sure. If this continues, perhaps he should see a therapist. It can't be healthy for him."

Alice nodded and sighed. "He's going to be heartbroken."

"Perhaps that is why he is seeing Matthew." Francis said softly, "his heart can't take the pain and loss."

Alice's lower lip trembled at the thought. She wished there had been a way for her to stop this. She would've gladly given up her own life if it could've helped Matthew. Francis, sensing her sorrow, wrapped his arms around her and held her tight, not saying a word. Nothing needed to be said.

Time went on, and the parents' pain didn't decrease in the slightest. Alice was reminded every day that her child wasn't there. One day she woke up, moved downstairs and started making pancakes; Matthew's favorite meal. She was about to call him and Alfred down for breakfast when she suddenly remembered Matthew wasn't there anymore. The simple fact that she had forgotten and made her son pancakes made her cry uncontrollably. It had been a long time before she finally called Alfred down to eat.

Little things like that always set her off, and Francis usually came home from work to his wife crying. He never said anything, knowing nothing could be said to ease their pain. He just held her tight and waited until the sobs subsided. That was all Alice asked for.

The day for the funeral came around, and both Alice and Francis were dreading it. They didn't know if they could take it. It was a given that both of them would breakdown some point during the service. They didn't want to, considering Alfred would be there too. They didn't want their son to see them like that. They had to be strong, or try to at least.

"Mama, why are we getting all dressed up? I don't like this suit. It's itchy." Alfred complained loudly as Alice fixed the tie around his neck.

"We're going to go say our last goodbyes to your brother." Alice responded, straightening up when she finally finished her task.

"Why are we gonna do that? Mattie's not leaving, he's staying right here."

Alice sighed, knowing she would have to try and make the young boy understand. "Alfred, he's not here anymore. He's gone. He's not going to come back." Her voice broke on the last part, but she clenched her fists and tried to regain her composure.

"But he's not gone! He's still here. I'll show you!" Alfred grabbed his mother's hand to try and pull her to the mirror, but Alice shook her head.

"No, Alfred, he's not." She sighed, knowing he wouldn't listen to her. "Now come along, we're about to leave." With that, she left Alfred's room and walked downstairs.

Alfred frowned after her, then turned back to his mirror. His brother was waiting for him, just as always.

"Mattie, Mama's acting weird. She keeps saying you're gone, but you're right here! Maybe she can't see you. You have always been kinda invisible." Alfred said.

Matthew didn't say anything, just watched his twin with deep blue-violet orbs.

"I gotta go. Even though it's silly. I'll talk to you later, okay Mattie?" Alfred placed his hand against the glass, Matthew doing the same, and gently kissed the surface of the mirror where Matthew's forehead was. Alfred turned and left, running down the stairs to join his parents and drive to the church where the funeral was being held.

It took no time at all, and soon they arrived at the building, which was empty. They had arrived early to set up and greet the mourners that arrived. Soon the church would be full to bursting, filled with relatives and friends all heartbroken over Matthew's death. Alice waited for everyone to arrive, taking deep breathes and willing herself not to cry, not yet.

Alfred found himself talking to the other kids, his and Matthew's friends. He wondered why they were all here, and why they were crying. Especially Gilbert; he acted all tough all the time, but now he was sobbing and clutching his grandfather's hand. Alfred found it strange.

The service began after everyone arrived and looked at the pictures of Matthew hanging on the walls and displays. People sat down and listened to others talk about Matthew, about how he was such a joy to have around and how tragically short his life ended. Alice and Francis sat with Alfred, holding tight onto each other's hands, their throats constricting as they fought not to cry. Alfred sat nearly completely still, listening to people talk about his brother and wondering why they kept saying he was dead. Alfred knew they were wrong, Matthew was alive and completely fine, back at home. It was a shame he couldn't show them. They'd feel so silly when they saw Matthew was still alive.

Soon it was Alice's turn to go up and talk to the crowd. Francis squeezed her hand as she stood up and walked to the podium, taking a deep breath and facing the crowd. All of these faces she knew, and all of them were filled with sadness. She began to speak. "Matthew was my son, and he was very loved. His smile brightened my day, and he made me feel like the most important person in the world. The pain of l-losing him," her voice broke, but she continued, "is unimaginable. It's worse than dying myself. I-I'll miss him so much." Alice couldn't continue; tears were streaking down her face and her voice was cracking as she tried to hold back the sobs. It was no use though; the sobs came out and she had to go sit back down. Alfred watched his mother, a frown on his face as he took in the appalling sight. If only she could see Matthew, she wouldn't be sad anymore.

)()()()()(

A few years passed and Alice and Francis were still feeling the heartache from losing their son. They also grew increasingly worried for their living son, because he was still seeing hallucinations of his brother. They'd taken him to many psychiatrists, but none of them seemed to help. He denied everything they told him, didn't go through the treatment, and eventually stopped speaking all together to the doctors. Alice and Francis didn't know what to do.

Alfred, on the other hand, was happy as could be. As he grew up, so did Matthew, and he was excited about their life together. About becoming adults and going off to live their lives, away from their parents. Of course they themselves wouldn't separate; they had promised to be together forever. Alfred would make sure to keep that promise, no matter what.


End file.
